Calling
by MisoKat
Summary: His friends were always there, calling for him. But he didn't want to just be friends anymore... So how is he going to face them? EddyxEdd. M for sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

My second attempt at a good EEnE fic. Enjoy.

**Eddy x Edd – Calling**

I hear them call my name. My best friends since I can remember. They're standing outside my vacant house, waiting impatiently for me to come out and join them.

But I can't. I couldn't possibly face them now. Now that I know I'm deeply in love with Eddy.

When did I start loving him? Probably around the end of middle school when he kissed me, by dare of course. Kevin laughed, Eddy apologized, and I melted. That kiss was my first kiss, and more than likely his too, but it was the best thing I'd ever felt.

Eddy of course dismissed this kiss as nothing, just another day in the cul-de-sac. Kissing me had left no imprint on his heart like it had mine.

Years have passed since that faithful kiss. Eddy's taller, leaner and sexier than his younger self, more visually appealing than when he was short and stout. I on the other hand, have only grown about half a foot, keeping my gangly features in tact. But while Eddy trimmed his hair to keep it that black, spiky perfection, I let mine grow long and allowed the blond hair to hang down below my cap.

Being a senior in high school, it's hard to keep up the straight charade when there are girls everywhere wanting my attention. Mostly nerdy girls of course, who were all over me for being the valedictorian; sometimes, I hate being smart.

But being smart however, helped me outwit my friends into thinking I had interest in girls. I would watch Eddy walk down the halls with his arm slung over some new girl's shoulders, nonchalantly talking… It makes me sick to think about Eddy being swept up by some boring girl.

I knew that Eddy lost his virginity to one of those dumb broads. It broke my heart the day he told me. He was so excited… And I had to fake enthusiasm just to please him. Whatever it took to please him I always did.

I smiled, and talked to Eddy about women and his current fling. I created a mask that I wear around Eddy, one that hides my true self and my intentions. Under this mask I can follow Eddy, and take in every step, every word without being caught.

It's the middle of the school year now and its winter vacation. The air is so cold and dry it makes my eyes water and cracks my lips as soon as I step outside. I wish I could stay inside, surrounded by warmth and the heat of a burning fire, but my house is empty. It has been for year now. The yellow burn of the sticky notes isn't the kind of heat I'm looking for.

I walk outside and make it to the sidewalk before I look up. The sky is overcast and the cul-de-sac is covered in a blanket of shadow. Even the lights in the houses look dim in this dreary daylight. The whole scene just depresses me further and sends a chill through my thick layers of clothes. I hug myself, trying to keep the cold out, but it's in vain.

My eyes wander from house to house until I find what I'm looking for—Eddy's house. It always gives off a warm, inviting glow, even when no lights are on. Just the idea of walking through Eddy's door and into his abode made me shiver, but not from the cold. I longed to be in Eddy's arms on this bitter, winter's day. I hope it snows. Snow always brightens up dark days.

I look back at my dark, lonely house. I don't want to go back in there. There's nothing there to comfort me anymore. Not even my own bed is an escape from the impending shadows. I look ahead of me at Eddy's house. I could go over there, just for a little bit… But what if Eddy has one of his girl-things over? So, I sit down on the concrete of the sidewalk.

The chill of the coarse stone shoots through my jeans, up my back and down my legs, just to remind me of how chilly it really is outside and how my body craves heat. But I'll take this slow numbing cold, because feeling something is better than nothing. I pull my legs to my face and hug them close to my chest. They offer no comfort.

Slowly, I nodded off to sleep. I let the numbness spread to my feet, and through my arms. The last thing I felt was a thump-thump of my heart, and everything went black. I couldn't feel anything but my shallow breathing. To feel so detached from my body—it was liberating. In this moment I let my mind drift to Eddy. Eddy's perfect body, beautiful hair, gorgeous smile, magnificent laugh…

Oh, Eddy. I think I just heard you speak my name. "Edd?" you said. But what are you questioning about me? Probably all the questions I have for myself. I think I love you Eddy. But how would I know? I've never felt anything like this about anyone before. It's a nice feeling. Like when you see a million white doves being released from their small cages.

I escape from reality by thinking about you holding me close and whispering my name… "Double D?" There it is again! What is it Eddy? Can I help you? Let me help you…

My eyes fluttered open and closed again. I feel warm. I rolled around and realized I was lying down on a very familiar bed. I grabbed the comforters closer to me, assuming it was my bed. I sighed into the warm cocoon I was wrapped in.

Then I took a deep breath in. All I could smell was Eddy. A thousand pictures of my secret lover popped into my head. I let them swim around in my subconscious until I was happily filled with Eddy. Then, I heard it again…

"Hey, Sock-head. Wake up… You can't be dead… You just moved!" I felt something poke my side. "Come on! Get up!" Eddy? Why are you trying to wake me from this dream? Then I remembered; I was outside. I fell asleep on the sidewalk! Where am I? My eyes shot open and I immediately deduced that this room was way too bright. When my eyes adjusted the first thing I saw was a disco ball suspended from the ceiling… And I knew exactly where I was.

"Eddy," I started, "Why am I in your room?" I blinked a few times and turned my head wildly until I saw what I wanted—there was Eddy, sitting on the edge of the bed, not too far from me, looking at me like I had snakes for hair.

"Hey, I should be asking you what you're doing out there in the cold sleeping!?" Eddy sounded upset, but I wouldn't let that get to my head. I knew I was sleeping outside, so this isn't just a dream. I wanted to answer his question, tell him all about how sad I am and how alone I feel on holidays, but I couldn't stop looking at him.

He was wearing a wife beater, stretched perfectly across his semi-toned chest, with a pair of gym shorts on that hung a bit lower than his hips, showing off those beautiful hip bones and lines leading to… I imagined pulling those shorts down just a little bit further…

I looked down at my own attire, a black t-shirt and loose fitting pants. I felt boring in comparison. I reached up to smooth out my hair and realize my hat was gone. I went into a panic, my protective shield was gone! The hat that held all my thoughts, fears and emotions was carelessly picked from my head! I brushed my hair out of my eyes, now a mess from sleeping. Eddy was stilling looking at me.

"Looking for you hat?" He asked when I touched the top of my head again. "It was soaked from the snow, so I took it off…" He ran a hand through my hair. I instantly turned to him with wide eyes. That was awfully sweet… Eddy instantly retracted his hand and shoved it under his leg, trying to hide the fact that he was just endearing.

"Sorry." I finally said in response to my odd behavior. Eddy just looked at me, I felt self conscious. But what was I really apologizing for? For the fact my heart fluttered when he touched me? Because being in his bed, wrapped up in his covers, was the one thing I've dreamed about for years? I wanted him to touch me again, even just a small brush or light caress would do. I just stared at Eddy for what seemed like an eternity, until he looked away. I hadn't noticed, but he was looking at me too.

I watched as Eddy adjusted himself to sit cross legged on the bed In front of me. I tried not to take too many peaks at his legs when he did so. No socks, so shoes, all Eddy right in front of me, getting comfortable. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't sleeping, but opted to just waiting for him to make the first move

It started with a sigh as he ran his hand through his flawless hair. I smelled his breath; he had recently brushed his teeth. I let the minty flavor invade my senses, reeking of Eddy's amazing mouth. To kiss him now would be pleasant.

"Edd…" My head snapped out of its fuzzy cloud of Eddy and I diverted all of my attention to the boy in front of me. He looked sad. "I'm not going to ask you why you were out there, and why you were crying—" I was crying? "I'm just going to tell you, that you can come over mine or Ed's house whenever. You know we're best friends."

My heart twisted. Yes. Just best friends. Friends. I felt the sting of tears and held them back. The effort hurt. I looked down at the fabric of Eddy's quilt. It was purple, with small balls of fuzzy bits plastered all over the surface from many wash cycles. I started to pick at them, methodically pulling them off one by one, determined not to look up at my… best friend.

"Hey," Eddy started, "Mind if we talk about something?" I perked up. Eddy always came to me with his problems; I gave him an ear that Ed couldn't. Eddy sighed, "I broke up with my girlfriend today." I just stared at him… What was her name again? This was probably his 3rd girlfriend this week… I can't keep track. I said the customary "I'm so sorry" and let him continue.

"I really liked her though Double D," A dagger shot through my heart. "I thought she was really the one for me." Another. "She was perfect." The final blow. "But winter break started and she lives so far away… No way am I wasting all my gas on one girl! If she wanted to see me, she should've come down here…" He said these things, but his eyes glassed over. I didn't want him to be so upset over some girl that didn't even deserve him.

"Well," I started, "Maybe she wasn't really the one. I mean, 'the one' will be someone worth your time, Eddy. Someone you'll drive miles to see and not mind." I patted his hand which was resting on his leg. Maybe if I ran my hand up his leg—I stopped myself from thinking any farther.

"And when you do find 'the one' you'll be head over heels for them. You didn't seem very infatuated by this one." I mustered up a smile. Everything I said of course was how I wanted Eddy to feel about me…

"You're right." Eddy smiled that brilliant smile and put a hand on my shoulder. I felt the heat from his hand seep through my thin t-shirt. It was like a little fire just for me, from the boy I love. "I feel better Double D." He relaxed his shoulders. "Thanks."

This is so painful. To watch him torture himself, to be so sad, just because he's dating something that's not even good for him. But what could I do for him? I guess I could give him love, but Eddy probably didn't want my kind of love.

Eddy's hand shot up to my forehead. My face went red, so embarrassed by the sudden touch and intimacy of the situation. But, he didn't have a romantic expression, more confused than loving. It occurred to me then that he was taking my temperature.

"You're burning up Double D…" He put a hand on my chest and laid me back down. "I think you have a fever. God, why on earth would you sleep outside when it's snowing??" I didn't know the answer to his question. The next thing I felt was Eddy tucking me in and telling me to go to sleep. I happily obliged.

I had the best dream that night. I dreamt Eddy was sleeping next to me, our limbs intertwined with each others. I could feel every part of Eddy on every part of me, but I wanted more. He pulled my face up to his and kissed me. He kissed me with small, quick kisses that filled me up with a heat hotter than I've ever felt. Everything was so hot… Everything is so _HOT_.

I woke up sweating. I was still in Eddy's bed covered in about 3 blankets and a heating pad, making sure I stayed toasty throughout the night. I looked around and saw it was totally dark outside, not one spec of light other than the moon reflecting off the thin layer of snow. I was about to snuggle up and get cozy again, but I realized Eddy was no where to be found.

I sat up straight. Where could Eddy be? Shouldn't he be the one sleeping in his bed, not me? I shook out of my cocoon and moved around a bit before swinging my feet over the edge of the bed. It was a lot colder than I thought, or maybe I was just really warm. Either way, I knew I needed to find Eddy. I shuffled to his door and placed my hand on the handle, it was so cold it hurt my hand.

I stepped out into the hallway and saw a light on in the living room. Instantly curious, I quietly made my way to the end of the corridor. I poked my head around the corner and saw Eddy, standing in the middle of the living room. Eddy, in all his brilliance, just standing in the middle of the living room. I almost opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing, when I heard a girl's voice.

"Eddy! You can't just break up with me over the phone!" It was that girl; the one Eddy had broken up with today. I stuck my head out a little bit more and saw some generic whore, for lack of the better word, standing in the middle of Eddy's living room in a really short skirt and a top that showed off her boobs a bit too much.

Eddy's arms were crossed, he was obviously a little pissed, "And you can't just barge in to someone's house in the middle of the night! What if my parents were home?" He looked down on this girl with such an angry expression it scared me a bit.

"But they're not, are they?" The girl's tone went from angry to seductive. I tasted bile in my throat, pouring into my mouth. Don't tell me she's trying to win Eddy back with sex? But she didn't have to tell me. She wrapped her arms around Eddy's neck and kissed him, a deeper kiss than I even dreamed of receiving.

'Push her away!' I thought, 'Shove her down and tell her you're broken up!' But he didn't. They kept kissing, and Eddy put one hand on her butt and one was massaging her breast. The kiss was speeding up, getting harder and filled with want. I didn't want to watch… So why did I?

They moved to the couch tangled in each others arms. Their clothes were removed expertly by Eddy and soon they were both naked, body against body. I got to see Eddy in all his glory. His body was even more amazing than my imagination could muster. I followed the curves of his arms, the flow of his back, the muscles rippling through his entire being… But then I saw the girl. A skinny little thing with delicate little features, large breasts, and a pretty round butt… Yeah, just Eddy's type.

Eddy's movements were so sure, so passionate; I couldn't help but stare as he thrusted into that girl. He was wild and lustful. The girl was moaning and crying out while he breathed heavily and closed his eyes. His expression was so serene… I don't think I could ever give him pleasure like that.

What happened next, neither me nor the girl expected. She came and said Eddy's name loud enough to wake me if I was sleeping, but Eddy was still going, still grunting, and still breathing heavy. I watched as his expression twisted and his mouth hung open with effort, his body twitching with orgasm. But when he came, he said a name that wasn't a girl's name at all.

It was mine.

The girl was immediately offended, getting dressed and calling him a man whore. Claiming he'll never sleep with her again, but Eddy seemed confused. His face was still twisted and he didn't even bother cleaning himself up. He just sat there while the girl grabbed her keys and left.

But what was I supposed to feel? I just watched him have sex with a girl right in front of me; one he was just saying wasn't the one for him. Was sex all he really wanted? I wanted more than that… I wanted him to love me unconditionally. But how could I be sure he loved me when some girl could just waltz right up to him and get into his pants?

When I looked at Eddy again, his head was in his hands, still sitting on the couch in all his naked glory. I wanted to bad to sit down next to him and offer him an ear. So, I did the next best thing… I went back to bed. I walked slowly back to Eddy's room and curled up in the suffocating, hot blankets. Maybe I can burn out these feelings.

(To be continued)


	2. Chapter 2

Eddy x Edd - Calling

I dreamt of Eddy crawling into bed with me again, but this time we didn't cuddle. He just laid there and watched me sleep, brushing my hair from my face. It was sweet in a way… But when I think of how he touched that girl with those hands I shuddered. He didn't touch me again.

I woke up and saw the sun coming in through the open window. It was still sunrise, around 6 a.m. I told myself I'd wake up, put my clothes on and leave, as if nothing happened. I tried to sit up, but something pushed me back down. I panicked and looked to my right.

Eddy was asleep. He was wearing gym shorts and his wife beater again, as if last night never happened. I was wrapped in his arms so tightly it was almost suffocating. It was normal of Eddy to do this, to cling to me when he slept, but normally he let go very quickly as soon as I woke up. His arms didn't move, didn't give an inch when I tried to lift his hand from my stomach, or push his arm away from my waist. I was getting frustrated. It was hot under all these blankets and I had to use the bathroom so bad—

"Don't leave yet…" Eddy mumbled into the pillow. My anger seemed to flow out of me as soon as it came. My eyes never left Eddy's face. "Please?"

He was begging me to stay with him. But did I want to stay with him? I didn't even want him touching me right now. Everything was so confusing. Do I love him or just the idea of having him? Did he still love that girl? There were too many questions and no time to answer them.

I protested, "But, Eddy I—"His hand retracted itself from my waist in favor of my face. I felt his hand run down my cheek and land on my neck. He reached around to the back of my neck and pulled me down.

This was all so sudden! I didn't want this, not now. Not while I'm still having an inner struggle with myself. I don't want to kiss Eddy… Wait, yes I do! It's the one thing I've been wanting. The part of Eddy I always longed to feel for myself.

I let myself be carried away by his touch. Every ounce of common sense was gone and all that was left was the thought of Eddy's kiss. I felt his breath, cool and smelling like toothpaste, he must have been up for a while, planned this out. Then I felt his nose gently brush mine, like a warning of how close our faces were. Then I heard his breath, it was fast and nervous, as if he wasn't too sure how I'd react.

When his lips touched mine, I felt my spine turn to Jell-O. They were as soft as I'd imagined, and his movements so sure. He seemed like a pro, skilled and practiced. Then I realized, how many girls has he kissed with these lips? Did he feel any different now that they were touching me and not that girl from last night?

Thoughts of the previous night's events drifted into my imagination. The girl's body all over Eddy, feeling a part of him that I'd only dreamed about… And how he just accepted it, no fight at all and then he has the nerve to use my name when he's done. Oh, it's so infuriating!

But why can't I push him away? Why am I letting him show me this love and compassion when he showed it to a nameless nobody last night? Am I just another 'score'? I felt sick.

When I refused to respond to his advances, Eddy looked up. His face looked worried and I could see he felt some sort of guilt or regret, but I ignored it. I'm sure I didn't look so sad, probably more defiant or just down right pissed off.

"What?" Eddy asked, trying to sound angrier than he felt, "Isn't this what you wanted?" I was taken a back a little. What does he mean 'what I wanted?' "Double D, I thought you liked me too…"

I just stared. I didn't say a word and neither did Eddy. For a long time I ran through scenarios in my head, ways that Eddy could have possibly figured out my well hidden feelings for him. How did he know? Did I tell someone? No, no I didn't tell a single soul. Intuition? I didn't think Eddy paid that much attention.

Eddy pulled his hands off of me and snuggled up in the covers, looking defeated. I thought I heard a mumbled 'sorry' but I was too busy finding my shoes and getting out the door.

-(Two days later)-Eddy's PoV

It's still winter break, and it's still cold. Colder than the day before, and the day before that. Record snow fall and some sleet keep me holed up inside my house and bored as hell. I wanted to go out, do anything besides watch TV, listen to music and think about Double D.

I'm not too sure when thinking about Sockhead became a normal part of my daily routine. Ever since break started I've been thinking about him more and more and girls less and less. Maybe because we can't see each other every day like we can at school and when it's not deadly icy outside. I miss Ed too, but not like I miss Double D.

And of course I was really surprised three days ago when I found him outside in this horrid weather just sitting there, sleeping. When I picked him up he seemed lighter than ever, lighter than his clothes give off. I hugged him close to me and let him grasp tightly onto my jacket for warmth. He was so pale, fragile…

It wasn't until I started walking that I noticed he was crying. Fresh tears every step I took toward my house. Was he awake? I said his name, "Edd?" and he stirred a bit, calling my name in a small voice, almost a whisper. After that more tears came and he began ferverently grasping at my chest, my arms, my face…

"Double D?" I asked, making sure he was really all there, and not going crazy on me. After I said his name again, he stopped moving, stopped crying, and went into a peaceful sleep.

When he slept, I kept putting blankets on him, but he never stopped shivering. How long was he sitting out there? Too long if you ask me, and with only a jacket! But why am I caring about his health so much? It's just because we're best friends… Right?

Well, one thing I didn't anticipate was for the ex to show up that night. What was she thinking? Crazy bitch… I was right to break up with her, too clingy and too psycho for me. So why did I have sex with her? What made me do her when my little crush, was in my house and sleeping with a fever in the next room.

Maybe I was trying to prove something to myself. Make myself erase all the love I have for my Edd. Maybe I was trying to stop it, but it didn't stop. Every good feeling I got with her, I imagined Edd giving it to me. I couldn't get his face out of my mind, how he whispered my name when I picked him up, and how his delicate fingers felt gripping me with such ferocity.

I hadn't noticed, but I said his name. I wanted him so bad, it was impossible for me to say the name of the slut under me. She was pissed, she left of course… But I still can't get over my realization… How much I loved my best friend.

But two days have past since the morning I tried to kiss him. I have no idea why he looked so confused… I sure as hell am not. Not anymore. I love him, and I want him to know that… But how do I show him?

About two hours later, I walked across the snow to his house. All the lights are off and the curtains pulled shut, but I know he's home and I know he'll open the door. I knocked twice and waited. I jiggled the knob, and it was locked—of course. I knocked again.

"Hey! Edd! You in there?" I waited. No answer. I jiggled the knob again, only this time it opened with ease and I stepped inside. It was cold, about the same temperature as outside. Don't his parents pay for heat? I mean, they're on an "extended vacation" but come on… I hope they remember they have a son.

"Edd?" I called out, I wanted to hear his voice, see his face pop around the corner. Two days was long enough for me. I walked pass the kitchen and peaked in to the living room and there he was. I took a moment jut to look at him.

He was wearing long sweatpants that left extra fabric covering half of his feet, paired with a V-neck white T-shirt that rested just past the waist of his pants. His signature black hat rested on top of his slightly unruly blonde hair. He was adorable, and I wanted to keep him all to myself.

He was sitting on their biggest couch that faced a large window, the TV to the left against the wall facing the kitchen. Edd was in the middle of the couch with his legs pulled up to his chest just like the day I picked him up off the concrete sidewalk. His face was turned towards the TV, some sort of Food Network show running as background noise, but his eyes stared out the window.

I slowly walked to the couch, taking off my shoes before I "dirtied the carpet" and sat down next to Double D, almost close enough to touch. I saw his body go ridged before it smoothed back into normal relaxation almost instantly. Has he always done that when I sit down? Had I just not noticed?

We sat next to each other, just feeling our body heat for a long time. I didn't know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut and watched TV, waiting for him to make the first move. I watched as his hands fidgeted on the top of his knees, obviously a nervous twitch reacting to my closeness after the awkwardness of the other morning, but I ignored it. I'll let him think, and talk to me.

I think I counted two episodes of Ace of Cakes before I got bored. I could watch TV at home; I came here for Edd, not Duff*. I thought about what I should say. "Double D I love you!" No, too forward, I need to be subtle about this… "Edd, I'm sorry." Too gushy, not like me whatsoever. "Hey, listen, I like you, so, do you like me or not!" No, too 'high school' and too rough.

"Hey Ed-" I started, but he was quicker.

"How do you know?" Edd yelled at me. He whipped his head around so fast that I wasn't even sure I processed the movement before he was looking right at me with those burning eyes.

"How did I know what, Double D?" I was confused, what did he know that I didn't?

"How… Did you know…" He started to say, but his voice cracked and hitched, he was about to cry again. His face turned away from me and then looked down at his knees. "How did you know I like you?" I saw tears through his blonde hair. They stained his white shirt with small droplets and every new drop hurt me more. I didn't mean to make him so upset, I just wanted him to… I don't know what I wanted, but he deserved an answer.

"I didn't." He looked at me with his wet eyes, questions plastered all over his face. "I just…" I just what? What did I hope to accomplish by accusing him of liking me? I looked up at the ceiling, avoiding his eyes. "I guess I just hoped you did, because…" I took in a breath, and held in my answer. It came out with a long gust of air, "Because I love you."

To be continued….

"*"= Duff is the main chef in a Food Network show called Ace of Cakes. Great show.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddy x Edd – Calling

I didn't know what to say. My throat closed, and my heart twisted. What did Eddy just say to me? I couldn't even turn my head away from him. I just sat there, my mouth open and my eyes wide. I wanted to do something, anything. But my own blank mind kept me rooted to the position I was in.

When he kissed me, when he told me that he knew I liked him, I thought it was some sick joke, "Laugh at Edd and toy with his feelings" day. Something Eddy did more than once over the fact I love my cactus, Jim. Eddy's always been rude, and insensitive, but what he just said to me… What does this all mean?

I run through the numbers in my head. The probability of Eddy being gay: 50%. The probability of him falling in love with me: 1.999999%. The probability he's lying: 70%. The probability he would ever tell anyone he loved them: 0%. This whole situation is improbable and quite ludicrous… But as sure as the sun is shining, he's there. Telling me he loves me.

Eddy. The boy I've had a crush on ever since I can remember. Eddy. The boy who I used to scheme and plot with is telling me he loves me. And I'm just sitting here like a deer in the headlights. But what am I supposed to say? "I love you too"? Its a few minutes too late for that… Maybe he'll fall out in love with me for all this stalling I'm doing.

I glance over at him. He looks like Eddy, staring at me with those intense dark eyes. His black hair is neatly put up with gel and hangs beautifully around his face. He's wearing a black T-shirt and jeans, which compliment his figure quite nicely. His body looks great, well defined muscles and curves accented by a slight tan. His arms look strong. Like they could hold me and make me feel safe. Being in this house is cold and unforgiving. Maybe he can help me. Help me get over my fears and my longings. Eddy could save me... But if he leaves, could I stay stable?

The Food Network goes to commercial while I think.

* * *

What's taking him so long? Why is he looking at me like that? Shit. Did I screw this up? Blow it all out of the water because I opened my big mouth. What else was I supposed to say? I really did love the guy… Stop staring at me! It's freaking me out Double D. Come on, turn towards me. Tell me you love me too. Slap me. Anything… Just don't sit there like you never heard me! I'm getting nervous. I feel sweat form on my forehead and my arms fill with goosebumps. If he doesn't love me and I just made a heart wrenching confession, I don't know what I'll do. Go crazy I guess. Ravish him and hope he changes his mind. Please love me Double D. I want to hold you.

It takes a while for him to turn away. He has the look on his face that he gets when he's solving a math problem, or working up a new plan for jawbreakers. It's been years since I've seen Double D look so unsure, so shaken. Fuck I hate this. I want to hug him, but that might make him snap out of his little haze and go ape on me.

I give him time. He's still sitting there, watching the commercials as if it were a spaceship taking off. Totally entranced and just lost in thought. I'm getting impatient and even more nervous, if that's even possible. Should I say something? Will he freak out? Or will that help him make up his mind? God, I've never been so flustered before in my life. Girls don't make me feel like this. I love you Double D. I love you.

"Double D-"I start to say, but I'm cut off by his hand coming up to my face. I watch as he sighs. It's long and shaken, but at least it's a reaction. He turns away from the TV and looks up at me with those saucers he calls eyes. They're the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

"Eddy," Double D starts, my heart stops beating. "I don't know what you're trying to do, but it's not funny." His face is the most serious I've ever seen it. I sit there and listen. "Don't toy with my feelings Eddy. You're rude, self serving and overly confident. If you think that you telling me that you love me is going to make me forgive you for making fun of my feelings for you, you're wrong, OK?" He sighs again and brings his face to his hands.

"Double D, it's not like that." I grunt in annoyance. He still thinks I'm just kidding, or trying to fuck with him. I wish he could open up my heart and see how its calling for him. How I'm longing for him. "I'm not lying." He gives me a look that only Double D is capable of. It's the look of total disbelief. I put my hand on his shoulder. He cringes away from my touch.

"Eddy, don't-"I don't let him finish. My lips are on his before he has time to yell at me. Before he has more opportunity to think or sling insults at me. I'm not that selfish. I love Double D, and I guess the only way to get him to understand is to show him. Don't turn away from me, accept me. Love me back... Please.

Edd is frozen under my lips. He's not responding at all and it's really harshing my mellow. I pull back and I see his mouth is open just a little bit and he's flushed. His breathing is labored and he has a glazed look in his eyes, like he's lost in his own mind. I knew it, he likes me to. The Eddy-man is never wrong.

* * *

The kiss was unexpected, but it was so nice. I wanted to believe Eddy, I really did, but what if he just hurts me. Kisses me, laughs at me and calls me a fag. That was so much more like Eddy than what he's doing now. I run my hand through the hair that shows under my cap and put my feet down on the floor. My heart still hurts and I can barely breathe. He caught me off guard and now my body is suffering from emotion overdose. But it feels so wonderful and fulfilling.

I look up and Eddy is just smiling down at me. Oh man, Eddy must have seen how excited I got. His kiss was just so… Nice. What other words are there? Curse me for not being better versed in the realm of relationships. I wanted to kiss him again, but he was just sitting there smirking. He knew I liked it. Dammit.

"Hey, Sockhead." He punched my shoulder. I reached up and rubbed the spot out of reflex and he laughed. "Do you love me or not?"

I rubbed my shoulder while I thought. Do I love Eddy? Yes. Do I want to tell him…? Well, he did kiss me. And he confessed first. I guess an appropriate answer would be…

I look Eddy right in the eyes. He looks sincere enough, but even he seems unsure about his emotions. Do I really want to tell him how I feel, putting all of my mental health and well being at risk? He might turn around and say, "Ha! I got you good!" But, I can't stop myself. I nod. I do love Eddy, no matter what my brain might rationalize, my heart loves him. I saw his smile reach his eyes and they twinkled. A look whenever he tasted success. That look was the one thing that helped me scam and kept me going.

He leaned back down to give me another kiss. This time, I returned the notion, meeting him halfway. The kiss was warm and inviting. We moved our lips against one another, feeling the way they slid and meshed together almost perfectly. Who knew kissing Eddy would be so sweet?

When he playfully flicked his tongue in, I returned the advance eagerly. Eddy tasted just like he smelled—fresh, almost like freshly brushed teeth with the after taste of chocolate. He leaned me back on the couch and let me slide my legs up so that he was between my legs and I was straddling him. The TV hummed in the background.

His hands disappeared under my shirt and playfully ran over my chest. What he was feeling for I'll never know, I don't have any muscles. My hands favored his hair and his neck, pushing him closer to me to feel his warmth. When he moved to my neck, my eyes fluttered open and stared at the ceiling, enjoying the nipping and sucking sensation.

Just then my stomach sank. Wait, why does this seem so familiar? Surely I've never kissed Eddy before, so why is this position—My mind flashes back to Eddy's house. The girl on the couch, under Eddy, squirming, looking at the ceiling, in orgasm, Eddy between her legs… The moving… The noises she was making under him…

I quickly freeze up. This isn't right. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. My stomach flips and churns. I think I'm going to be sick. Eddy must have felt my body go stiff because he stops kissing my neck to sit up and look at me.

"What's wrong Edd?" He asks. He looks concerned, just like that morning. '_Isn't this what you wanted?' _I push him off quite harshly and sit up. Eddy looks mad, but I don't care. I'm so confused it hurts to think.

"Double D, what's up?" He wants to sound concerned, but he seems mad. What did I just do? We were making out, being happy, confessing out love for each other, but why can't I like kissing him? Is it because he's kissed so many before? Loved so many before?

Am I just another one on the list? I don't want to be thrown aside, I want to be a constant figure in his life. I want to spend countless nights together, maybe just talking, I don't want to be used and washed up. I need to be saved Eddy. Why can't you save me?

* * *

Did I startle him? Scare him? Crap, now what did I do? Does he not like his neck kissed? Does it freak him out? Did he have some neck trauma as a child? Shit shit shit, look what you did Eddy. You fucked it up. You had him squirming under you, happy as could be, and you messed it up.

I can't take my eyes off of him, he looks so confused. Did I say something? I feel my heart sink. He looks unsure, like what we just did was wrong. It didn't feel wrong. It felt so right.

"Eddy…" I'm hanging on pins and needles. Come on Sockhead, spit it out! He lets loose a long sigh and mumbles, "I can't love you."

To be continued…

(Thanks for being so patient. I hope you guys could follow the PoVs well enough. Tell me if there are any mistakes or any confusion. Thanks much to TheRebik, Skymouth, Aisyy, Akito Souma, CircleSpell, oOoiAMyourFATHAHoOo, sapphirebloo, CircleSpell, JessieLove3400, and sender unknown for the encouraging reviews! Next chapter is the last, look forward to it.)


	4. Chapter 4

Words cannot express how sorry I am for not finishing this for you guys. I love you all and intend to give you the emotional-closure which you all deserve after a year of waiting. Thank you, and enjoy.

* * *

No matter how hard I try, I can't let myself love him.

He's sitting there, same as before, looking forlorn and lost, but I know he can't possibly love me the way I love him. He can't possibly think of me as much as I think about him. He cannot fathom how deep my love for him flows within me. He'll always be Eddy, ignorant and oblivious the world around him.

But, if he's really just Eddy, why does it look like he's about to cry?

Eddy doesn't cry. Eddy doesn't show any sort of emotion other than anger and boredom, so why are his yes welling up and why is he grabbing the edges of the couch like he's trying to stay floating in a sea of sorrow.

For some reason, my calculations don't add up. I know how everything works. I've worked out the formula for Eddy's behavior in my head a thousand times, but this sudden development, this twist in my equation, it's unsettling.

I feel the urge to reach out and hold his hands which are clutching the upholstery in such a way I mindlessly worry about what mother will think about the stretched fabric on her cushions. His lip is quivering. Surely he'll stop himself before those pools in his eyes overflow...

He doesn't. The small drops slowly descend from his eyes and the effort of holding them back is released. The cushion relaxes and the threads pop back in the place like the inner turmoil inside Eddy had never happened.

I cave in to my urges and lay my smaller, pale hands atop his larger, tanned ones. I take a moment to feel the coarseness of his fingers and the dramatic height of his knuckles and revel in their closeness to my palm. I've always wanted to hold Eddy's hand...

A tear lands on the back side of my hand. Then another. The moisture surprises me, but I don't lift my hands. I know these are not Eddy's tears, but my own. I am also mourning in the feeling of love lost. I have also been punched in the chest by the fist of disappointment.

I wanted him to hold me. To move his hands from under mine, cup my face, and kiss me tenderly.

But the equation always solves the same way; unfeeling, angry. No matter what, or who, the 'x' is.

I dare not look up. I know his face is there and I know he's waiting for me to look up and he wants to say something, but I don't give him the satisfaction of seeing my cry. I know his crying was to make me cry and now he can laugh and point and say, "Ha ha, Double D! You totally fell for it!"

I'm drowning. And there's no one in sight.

I feel him sit back away from me, and his hands slip out from under mine. I tense. In a few moments he's going to leave. I'll hear his feet slowly pad across the floor, his shoes quietly come on, and then the inevitable slamming of the door. I prayed he'd leave quickly and I can return to my misery and solitude.

I feel the couch leave from under me.

Two arms encircle me, one arm around my shoulders and the other under my legs. Princess style I believe it's called. My head snapped up and I saw Eddy, face dry, cocky smile on his face. I knew it. The formula is always precise.

"You're not even going to let me show you?" Eddy laughed. Show me what? I stared at him in disbelief, not trustng my voice enough to speak. "Show you..." Eddy hesitated, "How much I love you, Edd."

I felt my body go stiff. What does he mean show you? And why is his voice coming out sweet and sensual? My whole self goes hot. Suddenly I wish I had completed that mind-reading device.

He carries me down the hall. He knows which room is mine and heads right toward it, opening the door with two fingers and closing the door with his foot. My heart beat races the closer we get to my bed. Why is something so farmiliar so terrifying now?

"Double D," Eddy begins, resting me on the bed, "I know how you must feel, but please..." Eddy's so uncharacteristic. Where's that formula? I must have lost it in my files... "Give me a chance. I want to do this... For you. For us."

He crawls on top of me, straddling me, propping himself up with his arms, his face so close to mine I can feel his breath. I will him to never move.

I close my eyes and breathe him in. I don't want to fight it. I want him to love me. I want to love him back. I want him to hug me. To kiss me.

I feel his lips on mine, gentle, trying. He doesn't want to scare me, but he can't hold himself back any more. I know what he wants. And he knows I want it too. I don't care if he hurts me, I just want him the way he wanted that girl...

Our clothes come off awkwardly and slowly. We're both unsure, scared and excited. His kisses become fervent and wanting, they are no longer focused on my mouth but travel down my neck, chest, stomach and end to suck deliciously on my hip bone. I feel his tongue dart in and out of his mouth, leaving trembling sensations up my body. The wet trail up my body becomes cold and gives me lingering goosebumps. Is this how she felt?

Everything moves so fast, but the time moves so slow. My hands feel as much of Eddy as I can, I want to take in a mental file before this all dissipates and I'm left alone. Give me something to remember, Eddy. Let me take you in.

His movements were sure, and I felt him take me in his mouth. I moaned in spite of myself, I didn't want to give anything away. I didn't want to fall deeper in to his trap he's setting for me. I don't want disappointment. But it felt fantastic.

He pushed my hips down as I involuntarily thrusted in to his mouth. He took control. My eye sight was fuzzy, my head was swimming, I wasn't sure what else to do but grab the sheets and cry out, wanting for release.

It came all too soon, sooner than either of us expected. I wanted to wait, to try and stop myself, let him know I was still in control of his ruse, but I couldn't. I wanted it more than he knew.

He sat back now and moved closer, his toned body loomed over me. I felt embarrassed and quickly hid myself under his gaze- pulled my hat down over my eyes, used my eyeblows and scrawny limbs to cover myself.

"Don't Edd." Eddy said, gently moving my arms and legs, "You're beautiful." His hand reached for my hat... I didn't move. I let him lift my shield. My protective barrier- gone. If he hurt me now, I'd be defenseless... But I suddenly didn't care. I just wanted him to love me, even just for this short time, and I wanted him to see me, all of me.

He positioned himself and soothed me until I relaxed. He coated himself and I tried not to stare at his impressive size and I tried not to think of the pain, but it was red hot and lingering. He went slow, but it didn't help. I squirmed and cried out until he hugged me, held me close and whispered, "I'm in."

I let myself feel him, feel every bit of him as he went in and out at a paced speed. I spread my fingers out like a fan and moved up and down his arms, his back, his chest, his face. I smoothed his hair with my palm and ran my knuckle down his cheek. I brushed the sweat off of his brow and kissed the corners of his mouth.

I love Eddy. With all my heart.

My thought pattern was interrupted with a mind numbing sensation. My stomach flipped and I felt my body shiver.

He chuckled, "Want me to do it again?" I whimpered and nodded. He did it again.

I forgot where I was.

He went fast now, pumping in and out, I felt myself come to a tipping point yet again. I wanted him to go faster, harder, I wanted him to kiss me, so I grabbed his head and crushed his lips on to mine.

Nothing would separate us. Right here and now is all that matters. I don't care what he says, I'll never let him go. I won't let him walk away from me. This feels so right, I can't remember why I thought it was wrong.

Eddy's formula, Eddy's equation; it equals me.

I felt his body tremble and convulse, and then he released. I didn't let him go. I felt the lingering sensation of him connected with me and I wanted it to stay forever. I hugged him tightly. He was mine.

Eddy's hand wrapped around me, I had forgotten about my own need. He went to work. I moaned in to his neck and wiggled my hips around in his hand. He was still inside me. I willed him to never leave.

I began to kiss his neck. No one could ever have him. I'll mark him so everyone knows. He whispered my name.

I whispered back, "Eddy-" And came in to his hand.

* * *

Eddy spent the next few weeks coming over my house frequently, almost ever visit ending the same way- naked and messy. He proclaimed his love for me constantly, and I greedily drank in his affections.

And even though he would never tell me these things out side the privacy of my own house, I'm sure to leave my mark on him so no matter where he goes, everyone knows he's mine.

Eddy. My best friend. The boy I love. And the boy who loves me.

((May you all find love some day. Love, Misokat.))


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